why sharing personal pronouns must be optional

 

Sharing of pronouns is increasing as diversity and inclusion awareness and initiatives grow. It is far more common to see pronouns listed in email signatures or beside attendee names during a video conference. 

More organizations are promoting the use and sharing of pronouns. Some organizations, however, are now requiring employees to share their pronouns. This is problematic and not recommended for a number of reasons:

1. Someone who is not sure about their pronouns can be pushed into making a premature choice simply to comply with the requirement to list their pronouns, and then may face additional scrutiny if they later change their pronouns upon further consideration.


2. Some transgender or non-binary folx might be quite sure about their pronouns but might not be ready to share them. Perhaps they are still getting used to their identity themselves, perhaps it’s not safe to be out at work, perhaps they have other reasons. If they are required to list their pronouns when they do not want to, there are really only two options: lie about their pronouns by listing ones that are not true to them and possibly feeling like they have negated their transition, or tell the truth and out themselves before they are ready to. Neither option is ideal.


3. Someone might not want to share their pronouns as past experience has taught them that it’s not safe to do so.


4. Some people might not be familiar with sharing pronouns, and might not know what to do or be concerned about not doing it wrong, especially if put on the spot in person or at a meeting.


5. Someone might be comfortable sharing their pronouns and identity in some contexts and not in others. For example, someone might be fine sharing with close friends and with colleagues in their work group, but prefer not to do so with acquaintances and strangers. Depending how much their role needs to interact with others outside of the work group, being obliged to share their pronouns might be uncomfortable and awkward for them. For example, a non-binary employee might have asked their friends to use “they/them” to refer to them, but when interacting with the public at work, the employee uses “she/her” as it matches what customers expect and is easier.


6. Some cisgender people do not like pronouns or see the point of them, or do not like trans folx. Requiring these persons to use pronouns can result in a backlash, one that will often be directed back at trans people.

While pronouns sharing should never be required, it should most definitely be allowed and facilitated, especially as it can make a world of difference to people who are trans or gender non conforming, along with being helpful when connecting with people whose names are gender neutral or unfamiliar. 

by Rob Goetze

To learn more, watch my 36 minute video on "A Practical Guide to the New World of Pronouns" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdtVLgU6OxA&t=6s

[resource: queers the word: a 40-day devotional for lgbtq+ christians]

 

"Have you ever wanted a daily devotional but couldn’t find one that affirmed your sexuality/gender identity? or took social justice seriously? Do you want something you can do in five minutes in the morning or can use for an extended time of study? Are you looking for a devotional that takes Scripture seriously, but also affirms the goodness of queer and trans people?

In this 40-day devotional you’ll find entries from a queer and trans perspective written to support you in strengthening your faith and affirming your identity." (from website)

For more information and purchasing (paperback, kindle and digital pdf), see 
https://www.queertheology.com/devotional/

[God must be a black trans woman...]

Dr. Christena Cleveland's book, God Is a Black Woman, is definitely worth a read or three.

Here's a quote from an interview done with Dr. Cleveland on the Queer Theology podcast:

"And so when the Black Madonna says, I'm completely reordering the pecking order per se, it means putting black trans women at top - on the top.

So when I say if God's a black woman, then she must be a black trans woman. Yeah, I was surprised. I, I shouldn't have been because my trans friends have talked to me about TERFs [trans-exclusionary radical feminists], but I was surprised by how many people - TERFs - were really upset that I included black trans women in my discussion of God as a black woman. And it did make me more, more convinced because that, that behavior suggests that TERFs don't think that trans black women are sacred."

From https://www.queertheology.com/podcast/459/

Find out more about this book and Christena Cleveland:

http://www.christenacleveland.com

https://www.instagram.com/christenacleveland/

benevolent king edward

 

According to the Google dictionary, 

benevolent means well meaning and kindly and has the following roots:

Both parts are from Latin.

"bene" meaning well; "velle" meaning to wish. 

bene volent = well wishing

benevolent.

Something said about royalty, as in "He was a benevolent ruler."

As king, he acted in ways which showed he wished well upon his subjects.

---

But who needs Latin, when you can speak French.

The word "bene" is quite similar to the French "bien", which in English is "good"

The French word "volent" means to steal.

So benevolent could also mean "good thief"

Something also said about royalty, as in, "He was a good thief."

As in, the king was good at stealing. So good, that no one even thought of him as a thief. 

Not even when he stole millions of acres of land from Indigenous peoples around the world. Or when he stole the lives of millions of people by enslaving them...

Just something to think about ...

[more about the fauntleroy residence]

 

This post has nothing to do with the main theme of this blog, which is an exploration of exclusion and embrace. This is about another love of mine - architecture.

I recently came across a well-designed house by Heliotrope Architects, featured in several magazines. 

They all have great pictures similar to this one. One of the articles also includes floor plans of the main floor and lower level, but not of the upper floor. So I created a possible version of the second floor, based on pictures and description from the articles along with the footprint and layout of the lower floors. Am sharing it here for anyone else who appreciates this house and is wondering what the upper floor might be like.

[anglican diocese of edmonton > finding our way]

 The Anglican Diocese of Edmonton has just released a document "Finding Our Way", which summarizes what our new (as of Sept 2021) Bishop has heard and how he wants to move forward. 

The document outlines 5 principles and 12 specific goals, some of which are specifically related to relations and reparations with Indigenous peoples, affirmation and full public support of LGBTQ2S+ siblings, and increased accessibility not just for buildings but also programs, vocabulary and ways of working.

Check out this important document, especially if you are part of the Anglican Church of Canada:

Intro: https://edmonton.anglican.ca/pages/finding-our-way

Actual Finding Our Way (PDF)

https://edmonton.anglican.ca/df_media/W1siZiIsIjIwMjIvMDcvMDYvMTIvMjYvNDQvY2E1Mzc1ZGYtNTliMC00NGRhLWFmMDAtODU5MjA0ZGU5ZTM2L0ZpbmRpbmcgT3VyIFdheSBGSU5BTC5wZGYiXV0/Finding%20Our%20Way%20FINAL.pdf?sha=075b06476959332f

links to 'uncertain and declared spaces' resources

Read the full article on uncertain spaces and declared spaces, with additional examples and stories.

Watch the introductory video on uncertain spaces and declared spaces.

Read my article on exploring uncertainty and embrace at your church.

Read my article on why I no longer believe in lgbtq+ friendly churches.

Check out all "uncertain spaces and declared spaces" posts on this blog. 

performative allyship... at church

Performative allyship is when your place of worship has an LGBTQ sticker at the door and a Pride flag on their website but it …

doesn't talk about sexuality and gender

doesn't discuss the use of gendered language

doesn't have all gender washrooms

doesn't invite openly LGBTQ speakers to speak

doesn't mention that they perform same-sex weddings

doesn't have clear LGBTQ anti-discrimination policies

And those are just six practical things that are often missed by performative allies...

Now read about the deeper things that many churches are also missing when it comes to actually being inclusive and embracing of queer folx, in my article:

why I no longer believe in lgbtq+ friendly churches

the queen and the homeless man

You may have read this excerpt on social media of a story about the Queen and someone at the Platinum Jubilee parade.

“Well,” said the Queen to the homeless man at the edge of the parade, “Where do you go from here?”

“I am not sure, your majesty,” the man answered with a tear. “You see I lost my job and my children have all grown up and gone on their separate ways.”

The man continued, “I am now homeless as I have nowhere else to stay.”

“Well, my friend,” the Queen replied to him, “This will never do at all!”

“I too am all alone. You can move into my palace. I’m sure we will have a ball.”

The man looked up and asked, “Will there be something to eat, dear Queen?”

"Of course," she replied, “The biggest spread of sandwiches you’ve ever seen.”

“And cups of tea and crockery that you can drop and I will never never mind.”

The man replied “Your majesty, I accept your offer. You are very, very kind.”

Hmm, you say. Really? The Queen invited a homeless man to come live in her palace?

a Venn diagram in honour of Queen Elizabeth's Platinum Jubilee

 

In the midst of many people celebrating the Queen's Platinum Jubilee - 70 years of being in power as queen -- and celebrations that include Queen singing songs to the Queen -- this is what is floating around inside my head.

Why are we celebrating the long reigning leader of one of the world's greatest colonial powers that wreaked havoc on so many of God's children worldwide through enslavement, exploitation, extraction, actual genocide and cultural genocide?

It seems colonization is hard to kill and hard to repent of, but easy to hide and forget....

[imi - guides built for and with LGBTQ+ teens to help you explore your identity and support your mental health]

Here's a great new resource for queer teens, endorsed by the It Gets Better project:

imi is a free, digital, science-backed mental health web tool for queer teens to learn coping skills, hear stories from real LGBTQ+ teens, and explore resources that affirm queer identities and boost mental health.

https://imi.guide/

Happy Pride Month to All! 

And especially to the youth -- you are loved and you matter!

[my dearest friends project]

 

Created by DisArt and Oaklee Thiele, the My Dearest Friends Project is an international, disability-led art collaboration archiving disabled stories. The collected stories are featured as part of various exhibits, and the writers are compensated for their contribution. The site includes video and audio resources, and features the amazing drawings of Oaklee Thiele (see image above as an example).

Sections include:

• Submit a story
• Demand access, 
• Exhibits
• Disability History
• Youth Resources
• and more...

I would like to say that the drawings that appear throughout this site are a real treasure, as is watching some of the videos in which Oaklee is creating drawings. The video I watched was descriptive - meaning, along with the closed captioning that captured the words the narrators and speakers spoke, another voice described what was happening on screen. This is something that is not often done, but useful to be more inclusive for those who are visually impaired.

https://mydearestfriendsproject.org/

happy birthday to an amazing 18-year old!

 

[strands for trans]

 Here is an amazing resource for transgender folx: Strands for Trans. As they put it:

A HISTORY OF REJECTION

Haircuts are historically gendered: Salons for women. Barbershops for men. This leaves the trans community feeling uncomfortable, unwelcome and unsure.

A FUTURE OF ACCEPTANCE

Strands For Trans is bringing gays, straights, women, men, anyone, together to create more trans-friendly barbershops and hair salons. Join in and let’s help this community feel welcome.

This great site includes videos of people sharing of why this matters and asks people to support the site by approaching their own barbershops or hair salons, as well as through social media. The site also invites shop owners to request a sticker and add their businesses to the map. 

And the map shows 6,000+ listings of trans-friendly salons and barber shops, mostly in the US and Canada but also in other countries. Zoom in to your city, find a marker in your neighbourhood, and click to get details!

https://www.strandsfortrans.com/

Snip of map from Strands For Trans site, showing parts of BC and Alberta. Trans-coloured markers are located at Edmonton, Lethbridge, Kelowna, Vancouver and other cities.

PHOOey

PIE 

You may have read my previous post about PIE: about being public, intentional and explicit -- three key components to being a faith community that affirms LGBTQ2S+ people. (if you haven't read it, do so first: https://exclusionandembrace.blogspot.com/2017/01/pie-public-intentional-explicit.html)

I'd like to first suggest that we add an "S" to PIE to make PIES (cuz, you know, lots of pies are better than just one pie): S for Self-Examining >

PIES

A community that examines itself discovers those areas in which more change is needed, those aspects in which they could improve how they love and embrace others.

Here's a brief example of a church being self-examining: 

     A church is located in an older building. There is one main women's and one main men's washroom, both outdated and badly designed. The church has begun holding some learning sessions where they asked some of their queer members to share, and also invited speakers from the queer community to come in. After one of these sessions, where they heard that some transgender people feel uncomfortable in public washrooms, some of the members involved in managing the facility got together. "What can we do to make this better?" they asked. They looked around and realized that there was a storage room located behind the washrooms, which could be converted into a single user washroom. Conveniently, the plumbing connections were nearby. "What if we use the whole space, and make it an accessible washroom while we are it?" someone added. The "accessible" stalls in the existing washrooms were unfortunately based on outdated standards for what is considered accessible and in reality, are very awkward.  So they proceeded with their plans and, once the washroom was complete, made sure to post on the church website that the building now has a "accessible, inclusive gender-neutral washroom".

     Now, such a washroom serves a wide range of people: transgender folx who feel unsafe in gendered washrooms, people in wheelchairs, a parent with a child, a person accompanied by an attendant or caregiver. And it happened because they were learning, thinking and examining their church community and facility.