On my flight home after meeting with Bryan, I try to find a word to describe what he is seeking from God. I'm reminded of an anecdote Lupe shared: "Let's say there's a woman and she's a prostitute. At night, she falls into bed exhausted. As she goes to sleep, she cries, 'God, help me!' She wants to be helped. But then she gets up the next morning, she prays, she gets ready for work, and she goes to turn tricks. At the end of her day, she says again, 'God, help me!' What is that? Is that a woman who loves God and is crying out? Is that a woman who God is not going to reach out to until she stops sinning?"
In a soft maternal voice she answered her own question. "After years of listening to people's stories, I tend to think God knows she's trapped. He loves her," she said. "He's glad to hear from her. Whenever."
Lupe then questioned the premise of her question. So which woman is it--the desperate one who is truly seeking God's aid, or the forsaken one who needs to turn to face God before He'll face her? Maybe it's not one or the other. Maybe it's both. Maybe God will meet a prostitute--or a gay man or anyone--wherever he or she is, just as Jesus met the adulterous Samaritan woman at the well before she stopped sinning.
From Does Jesus Really Love Me? A Gay Christian's Pilgrimage in Search of God in America by Jeff Chu, page 125. http://doesjesusreallyloveme.com/