To start off the year, here is an important message from Sir Ian McKellan:
Friday, January 06, 2023
Tuesday, December 06, 2022
introducing yourself the "triplet" way
Here's a tip for introducing yourself - including pronouns - to someone else.
Use a triplet, or triad, as follows:
- Name
- Pronouns
- Job title, or position on team, etc.
Example:
Hi, I'm Marcelino, my pronouns are he and they, I'm a stockbroker.
Why the triplet? Two reasons:
- First, if sharing your pronouns is new(er) to you, putting your pronouns in between two items that you are used to sharing might make it easier.
- Second, if the other person wants to share, you've modelled a way of sharing. But if they do not wish to share their pronouns, they can still use the outer two parts: name and job title/position.
Possibly awkward | Hi, I'm Jacquelyn, my pronouns are she/her. | Oh, hi, I'm Hassan... |
---|---|---|
Not awkward | Hi, I'm Jacquelyn, my pronouns are she/her, I'm an architect. | Oh, hi, I'm Hassan, I'm the service manager. |
Sunday, December 04, 2022
how to invite and make space for the sharing of personal pronouns
Individually
There are various steps individuals who are comfortable with sharing their pronouns can do to invite and make space for others to also share their pronouns if they wish. Here are a few examples:
- Share your pronouns first. This lets others know that sharing of pronouns is okay, and models one way of sharing them.
- When asking people to introduce themselves (at a meeting, for example), invite them to share pronouns by saying something like “Introduce yourself with your name, your role on this project, your pronouns if you like, and what you hope to accomplish in today’s meeting.”
Note: extend this invitation equally to everyone. Do not single out the people that you think look gender-diverse. - Share your pronouns in your email signature and with your screen name on video conferencing services.
- When meeting someone new in a work or formal context, use this three-part introduction: Name, Pronouns, Job Position. This models the sharing of pronouns and sets an example for how the other person could share, yet leaves it open for them to just share Name and Job Position. Note that having three parts to your own introduction, means that someone who prefers not to share their pronouns still has two items to share, which is less awkward than only saying their name.
- If attending an event where name tags are provided, adding your pronouns after your name is an easy way to normalize the sharing of pronouns.
Wednesday, November 16, 2022
why sharing personal pronouns must be optional

Sharing of pronouns is increasing as diversity and inclusion awareness and initiatives grow. It is far more common to see pronouns listed in email signatures or beside attendee names during a video conference.
More organizations are promoting the use and sharing of pronouns. Some organizations, however, are now requiring employees to share their pronouns. This is problematic and not recommended for a number of reasons:
- Someone who is not sure about their pronouns can be pushed into making a premature choice simply to comply with the requirement to list their pronouns, and then may face additional scrutiny if they later change their pronouns upon further consideration.
- Some transgender or non-binary folx might be quite sure about their pronouns but might not be ready to share them. Perhaps they are still getting used to their identity themselves, perhaps it’s not safe to be out at work, perhaps they have other reasons. If they are required to list their pronouns when they do not want to, there are really only two options: lie about their pronouns by listing ones that are not true to them and possibly feeling like they have negated their transition, or tell the truth and out themselves before they are ready to. Neither option is ideal.
- Someone might not want to share their pronouns as past experience has taught them that it’s not safe to do so.
- Some people might not be familiar with sharing pronouns, and might not know what to do or be concerned about not doing it wrong, especially if put on the spot in person or at a meeting.
- Someone might be comfortable sharing their pronouns and identity in some contexts and not in others. For example, someone might be fine sharing with close friends and with colleagues in their work group, but prefer not to do so with acquaintances and strangers. Depending how much their role needs to interact with others outside of the work group, being obliged to share their pronouns might be uncomfortable and awkward for them. For example, a non-binary employee might have asked their friends to use “they/them” to refer to them, but when interacting with the public at work, the employee uses “she/her” as it matches what customers expect and is easier.
- Some cisgender people do not like pronouns or see the point of them, or do not like trans folx. Requiring these persons to use pronouns can result in a backlash, one that will often be directed back at trans people.
While pronouns sharing should never be required, it should most definitely be allowed and facilitated, especially as it can make a world of difference to people who are trans or gender non conforming, along with being helpful when connecting with people whose names are gender neutral or unfamiliar.
Saturday, November 12, 2022
[resource: queers the word: a 40-day devotional for lgbtq+ christians]
"Have you ever wanted a daily devotional but couldn’t find one that affirmed your sexuality/gender identity? or took social justice seriously? Do you want something you can do in five minutes in the morning or can use for an extended time of study? Are you looking for a devotional that takes Scripture seriously, but also affirms the goodness of queer and trans people?
In this 40-day devotional you’ll find entries from a queer and trans perspective written to support you in strengthening your faith and affirming your identity." (from website)
For more information and purchasing (paperback, kindle and digital pdf), see
https://www.queertheology.com/devotional/
Thursday, November 10, 2022
[God must be a black trans woman...]
Dr. Christena Cleveland's book, God Is a Black Woman, is definitely worth a read or three.
Here's a quote from an interview done with Dr. Cleveland on the Queer Theology podcast:
"And so when the Black Madonna says, I'm completely reordering the pecking order per se, it means putting black trans women at top - on the top.
So when I say if God's a black woman, then she must be a black trans woman. Yeah, I was surprised. I, I shouldn't have been because my trans friends have talked to me about TERFs [trans-exclusionary radical feminists], but I was surprised by how many people - TERFs - were really upset that I included black trans women in my discussion of God as a black woman. And it did make me more, more convinced because that, that behavior suggests that TERFs don't think that trans black women are sacred."
From https://www.queertheology.com/podcast/459/
Find out more about this book and Christena Cleveland:
Wednesday, August 17, 2022
benevolent king edward
According to the Google dictionary,
benevolent means well meaning and kindly and has the following roots:
Both parts are from Latin.
"bene" meaning well; "velle" meaning to wish.
bene volent = well wishing
benevolent.
Something said about royalty, as in "He was a benevolent ruler."
As king, he acted in ways which showed he wished well upon his subjects.
But who needs Latin, when you can speak French.
The word "bene" is quite similar to the French "bien", which in English is "good"
The French word "volent" means to steal.
So benevolent could also mean "good thief"
Something also said about royalty, as in, "He was a good thief."
As in, the king was good at stealing. So good, that no one even thought of him as a thief.
Not even when he stole millions of acres of land from Indigenous peoples around the world. Or when he stole the lives of millions of people by enslaving them...
Just something to think about ...
Monday, August 15, 2022
[more about the fauntleroy residence]
This post has nothing to do with the main theme of this blog, which is an exploration of exclusion and embrace. This is about another love of mine - architecture.
I recently came across a well-designed house by Heliotrope Architects, featured in several magazines.
They all have great pictures similar to this one. One of the articles also includes floor plans of the main floor and lower level, but not of the upper floor. So I created a possible version of the second floor, based on pictures and description from the articles along with the footprint and layout of the lower floors. Am sharing it here for anyone else who appreciates this house and is wondering what the upper floor might be like.
Thursday, July 14, 2022
[anglican diocese of edmonton > finding our way]
The Anglican Diocese of Edmonton has just released a document "Finding Our Way", which summarizes what our new (as of Sept 2021) Bishop has heard and how he wants to move forward.
Intro: https://edmonton.anglican.ca/pages/finding-our-way
Actual Finding Our Way (PDF)
Wednesday, July 06, 2022
links to 'uncertain and declared spaces' resources

Watch the introductory video on uncertain spaces and declared spaces.
Read my article on exploring uncertainty and embrace at your church.
Read my article on why I no longer believe in lgbtq+ friendly churches.
Check out all "uncertain spaces and declared spaces" posts on this blog.
Monday, June 27, 2022
performative allyship... at church
Performative allyship is when your place of worship has an LGBTQ sticker at the door and a Pride flag on their website but it …
doesn't talk about sexuality and gender
doesn't discuss the use of gendered language
doesn't have all gender washrooms
doesn't invite openly LGBTQ speakers to speak
doesn't mention that they perform same-sex weddings
doesn't have clear LGBTQ anti-discrimination policies
And those are just six practical things that are often missed by performative allies...
Now read about the deeper things that many churches are also missing when it comes to actually being inclusive and embracing of queer folx, in my article:
Thursday, June 16, 2022
the queen and the homeless man
You may have read this excerpt on social media of a story about the Queen and someone at the Platinum Jubilee parade.
“Well,” said the Queen to the homeless man at the edge of the parade, “Where do you go from here?”
“I am not sure, your majesty,” the man answered with a tear. “You see I lost my job and my children have all grown up and gone on their separate ways.”
The man continued, “I am now homeless as I have nowhere else to stay.”
“Well, my friend,” the Queen replied to him, “This will never do at all!”
“I too am all alone. You can move into my palace. I’m sure we will have a ball.”
The man looked up and asked, “Will there be something to eat, dear Queen?”
"Of course," she replied, “The biggest spread of sandwiches you’ve ever seen.”
“And cups of tea and crockery that you can drop and I will never never mind.”
The man replied “Your majesty, I accept your offer. You are very, very kind.”
Hmm, you say. Really? The Queen invited a homeless man to come live in her palace?
Sunday, June 05, 2022
a Venn diagram in honour of Queen Elizabeth's Platinum Jubilee
Wednesday, June 01, 2022
[imi - guides built for and with LGBTQ+ teens to help you explore your identity and support your mental health]
Here's a great new resource for queer teens, endorsed by the It Gets Better project:
imi is a free, digital, science-backed mental health web tool for queer teens to learn coping skills, hear stories from real LGBTQ+ teens, and explore resources that affirm queer identities and boost mental health.
Happy Pride Month to All!
And especially to the youth -- you are loved and you matter!
Tuesday, May 03, 2022
[my dearest friends project]
Created by DisArt and Oaklee Thiele, the My Dearest Friends Project is an international, disability-led art collaboration archiving disabled stories. The collected stories are featured as part of various exhibits, and the writers are compensated for their contribution. The site includes video and audio resources, and features the amazing drawings of Oaklee Thiele (see image above as an example).
Sections include:
- Submit a story
- Demand access,
- Exhibits
- Disability History
- Youth Resources
- and more...
I would like to say that the drawings that appear throughout this site are a real treasure, as is watching some of the videos in which Oaklee is creating drawings. The video I watched was descriptive - meaning, along with the closed captioning that captured the words the narrators and speakers spoke, another voice described what was happening on screen. This is something that is not often done, but useful to be more inclusive for those who are visually impaired.
Tuesday, April 19, 2022
Tuesday, April 12, 2022
[strands for trans]
Here is an amazing resource for transgender folx: Strands for Trans. As they put it:
A HISTORY OF REJECTION
Haircuts are historically gendered: Salons for women. Barbershops for men. This leaves the trans community feeling uncomfortable, unwelcome and unsure.
A FUTURE OF ACCEPTANCE
Strands For Trans is bringing gays, straights, women, men, anyone, together to create more trans-friendly barbershops and hair salons. Join in and let’s help this community feel welcome.
This great site includes videos of people sharing of why this matters and asks people to support the site by approaching their own barbershops or hair salons, as well as through social media. The site also invites shop owners to request a sticker and add their businesses to the map.
And the map shows 6,000+ listings of trans-friendly salons and barber shops, mostly in the US and Canada but also in other countries. Zoom in to your city, find a marker in your neighbourhood, and click to get details!
https://www.strandsfortrans.com/
Wednesday, March 23, 2022
PHOOey
You may have read my previous post about PIE: about being public, intentional and explicit -- three key components to being a faith community that affirms LGBTQ2S+ people. (if you haven't read it, do so first: https://exclusionandembrace.blogspot.com/2017/01/pie-public-intentional-explicit.html)
I'd like to first suggest that we add an "S" to PIE to make PIES (cuz, you know, lots of pies are better than just one pie): S for Self-Examining >
PIESA community that examines itself discovers those areas in which more change is needed, those aspects in which they could improve how they love and embrace others.
Here's a brief example of a church being self-examining:
A church is located in an older building. There is one main women's and one main men's washroom, both outdated and badly designed. The church has begun holding some learning sessions where they asked some of their queer members to share, and also invited speakers from the queer community to come in. After one of these sessions, where they heard that some transgender people feel uncomfortable in public washrooms, some of the members involved in managing the facility got together. "What can we do to make this better?" they asked. They looked around and realized that there was a storage room located behind the washrooms, which could be converted into a single user washroom. Conveniently, the plumbing connections were nearby. "What if we use the whole space, and make it an accessible washroom while we are it?" someone added. The "accessible" stalls in the existing washrooms were unfortunately based on outdated standards for what is considered accessible and in reality, are very awkward. So they proceeded with their plans and, once the washroom was complete, made sure to post on the church website that the building now has a "accessible, inclusive gender-neutral washroom".
Now, such a washroom serves a wide range of people: transgender folx who feel unsafe in gendered washrooms, people in wheelchairs, a parent with a child, a person accompanied by an attendant or caregiver. And it happened because they were learning, thinking and examining their church community and facility.
Tuesday, February 22, 2022
[the awakeners - Indigenous people with disabilities who are artists]
"Louis Riel's prophecy is coming to pass! The Indigenous artists are the Awakeners!
That's certainly what you'll witness in this 6-part, 1 hour documentary series in both English and French (12 Eps in total) in which Canadian acclaimed, indigenous singer and song writer, Laura Vinson embarks on a journey to meet extraordinary Indigenous people with disabilities who are artists. Laura's sudden loss of her mentally challenged sister, Noreen, combined with her own challenges with an anxiety disorder, plus the progressive loss of her hearing cause her to have a great deal of empathy and respect for those Indigenous and disabled people who are often underappreciated and underestimated." (from http://theawakeners.ca/)
Read more about this incredible project: http://theawakeners.ca/
Watch the series here: https://www.ami.ca/category/Awakeners/episodes
Note: at the point of posting, I have finished watching the first episode. I learned a lot and it also challenged some of my unconscious biases.
[periodic table of Canadian Black history]
Tuesday, February 15, 2022
[takiwatanga]
"The word I have coined in te reo Māori for autism is ‘Takiwātanga’. It is a derivation of my phrase for autism: “tōku/tōna anō takiwā” – “my/his/her own time and space”."
Read more about how this word came to be in Keri Opai's story (video and text): https://www.altogetherautism.org.nz/a-time-and-space-for-takiwatanga/
Read the short BBC article on this project: https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-40493398
Check out the very cool language glossary, featuring te Reo Maori <> English translations, word collections, plus phrases and proverbs: https://www.tereohapai.nz/
Tuesday, February 01, 2022
blacker than...
Friday, January 28, 2022
[transforming - book]
I'm currently reading this book, the first one I've read by a trans author and the first that's about the Bible and the lives of transgender Christians. It's especially interesting in light of a recent panel that I attended on "Being Transgender in the workplace".
Love the book so far! Keep your eyes open for future posts inspired by this...
Find out more at http://austenhartke.com/book or get a copy from your local bookshop or library.
Austen's site also includes a lengthy resources page and a link to Transmission Ministry Collective:
"We’re an online community of transgender and gender-expansive Christians committed to growing our faith, supporting each other, and healing the world."
The Transmission Ministry Collective offers:
- text-based chat servers
- video-based support groups
- online Bible study
- workshops
- extensive resources
Tuesday, January 18, 2022
[tackling trauma - an online introduction with tools]
Tackling Trauma:
An Introductory Training Manual for Direct Practice with New Immigrants, Refugees, and Asylees
This is a free, online tool which is intended to give those who are working with new immigrants, refugees and asylum seekers a basic understanding of trauma as it tends to be experienced by this group of people. The topics covered, each in a page or two, are:
Immigration: An Introduction
Why Does Migration Occur?
Who Are Lawful Permanent Residents?
Phases of Adjustment
Refugees and Asylum Seekers
Trauma: An Introduction
The Injury Mental Model
Triple Trauma Paradigm
Vicarious Trauma
Consequences of Trauma
Thursday, December 16, 2021
[family behaviours that increase your LGBTQ+ / Two Spirit child's health and well-being]
"Research from the Family Acceptance Project found more than 50 family accepting behaviours that help protect your lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer-identified (LGBTQ) / Two Spirit child against health risks like depression, suicide and illegal drug use and help to increase your LGBTQ / 2S child's self-worth, health and well-being." (from poster)
"A little change makes a difference in decreasing your child's isolation and risk
and giving them hope that their family will be there for them."
This project has several great posters available for free in PDF, sized for various printing purposes. This image shows a portion of one of the posters.
Article on this project: https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2021/11/26/saving-two-spirit-and-indigenous-lgbtq-youth
Direct link to project page and posters: https://familyproject.sfsu.edu/content/family-acceptance-project-healthy-futures-posters-american-indian-communities
Monday, December 06, 2021
[lgbtq newcomers to canada: strengthening support and understanding - videos]
Are you in contact with newcomers to Canada? Whether as a volunteer, at your place of worship, or during your daily routine, you likely are in contact, and some of the newcomers (whether you know it or not) will be LGBTQ.
The AMSSA (Affiliation of Multicultural Societies and Service Agencies of BC) website has a series of web videos shot in 2015 focuses on highlighting the issues and needs of LGBTQ immigrants and refugees and provides settlement workers with greater understanding of how to strengthen the support.
The titles of the five videos are:
- Exploring the Issues Affecting LGBTQ Immigrants and Refugees
- Exploring Gender and Sexual Identity Affecting LGBTQ Immigrants and Refugees
- The Journey of LGBTQ Immigrants and Refugees in Canada
- The Intersection of Immigration and Gender & Sexual Identity
- Exploring Spirituality and the Role of the Home Culture for LGBTQ Immigrants and Refugees
Wednesday, December 01, 2021
[museum of black joy]
![]() |
Skyways, 2019, Bartram's Garden (c) Andrea Walls |
https://www.museumofblackjoy.com/
You can read an article the NPR wrote about her:
https://www.npr.org/2021/08/14/1026447517/museum-of-black-joy-andrea-walls?s=09
Friday, November 19, 2021
[affirmation guide for trans & gender-expansive identities]
Affirmation Guide for Trans & Gender-Expansive Identities, plus Trans & Gender-Expansive Identities eCourse
"Q Christian’s second Affirmation Guide features Taj Smith. This guide is designed to counter the idea that transgender and gender-expansive people cannot be Christians. This guide is also meant to support anyone who is and/or loves someone who is transgender. Taj dives into the Scriptural, theological, and relational affirmation of trans people in this foundational resource. Video content for the guide can be found below." (from webpage)
The guide is free though a donation is requested from those who are able. The page also features five videos that relate to content in the guide:
- Introduction
- Scriptural and Theological Affirmation
- Life in Community
- Resources
- Conclusion
Wednesday, November 17, 2021
[what it's like growing up transgender and Deaf]
Monday, November 15, 2021
the real Meta
Interestingly, God is also "with us", "incarnate", "embedded"...
Posted in response to a large social media company rebranding itself as "Meta" with a logo looking like two collapsed kidneys...
Saturday, November 13, 2021
the beauty of transgender people...
Laverne Cox, American actress, said, "It is revolutionary for any trans person to choose to be seen and visible in a world that tells us we should not exist."
To all transgender people who read this post, I just want to say,
“You rock! You are wonderful and amazing! You are an inspiration!”
Wishing you much strength and wisdom as you live an authentic life, and many family members, friends, colleagues and acquaintances who love and support you! You do exist and should exist, and your beauty and your gifts make the world a better place!
Happy Transgender Awareness Week!
Thursday, November 04, 2021
[colored hockey championships]
"Canada Post’s stamp honours the Colored Hockey Championship and the all-Black hockey teams in the Maritimes that competed for it between 1895 and the early 1930s.
It is impossible to fully appreciate this story without understanding the Canada of the day, when Blacks lived in segregated communities that often lacked proper roads, health services, water or street lamps."
Friday, October 22, 2021
[gender decoder for job ads]
Wednesday, October 20, 2021
happy international pronouns day!
To all the hes and the shes,
The aes and the faes,
The pers and the xes,
The zes and the zies,
The eys and the others,
And most of all, to all the theys
(but only cuz there’s more of them):
Happy International Pronouns Day!
Monday, October 11, 2021
[shame and prejudice - a story of resilience (book and exhibition)]
"Kent Monkman’s Shame and Prejudice: A Story of Resilience takes you on a journey through the past 150 years of Canada. It is a journey that reclaims and reinserts Indigenous voices into the collective memory of our country, challenging and shattering colonial ideas of our history."
(from website)
Through his art, Kent Monkman has been critiquing the colonial world of the museums which have been so silent about Canada's history of colonization, which have presented the colonizers' view of history, which have whitewashed the horrible things that were done.
Expand your mind by taking part in this excellent curatorial tour of the exhibition:
Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mACqPVUXzk8
Read the book online, in Cree, English and French: https://online.fliphtml5.com/xkla/ttia/#p=1. Note: I'd suggest watching the above video first, as it gives a clearer explanation if you are new to this.
Wednesday, October 06, 2021
Tuesday, October 05, 2021
[face equality]
Friday, September 17, 2021
[Indigenous art in the public eye]
![]() |
Lori Blondeau, Asiniy Iskwew, 2016 |
Tuesday, September 14, 2021
a practical guide to the new world of pronouns
Here's a great learning opportunity that I've created for you -- a practical guide to the new world of pronouns.
This 36 minute video covers key topics like:
- Correct Pronouns Matter
- People Who Might Use Other Pronouns
- Pronouns for the New World We Live In
- Getting Practical About Sharing Pronouns
- Messing up with Grace
Link to watch directly at YouTube.com:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdtVLgU6OxA&t=6s
Tuesday, September 07, 2021
[feeling through - film]
This is a pretty cool short film, featuring an unhoused youth and a DeafBlind man.
"After a late-night chance encounter with a DeafBlind man on a New York City street, writer/director Doug Roland wrote the award winning short film, Feeling Through. Doug knew from the start he wanted to cast a DeafBlind actor to star, so he partnered with Helen Keller Services to realize that mission."
While casting a DeafBlind actor to play a DeafBlind character might seem like the logical thing to do, too often this does not happen and able-bodied people are cast to play disabled people.
Watch this short film and read more about it at: https://www.feelingthrough.com/