my alphabet includes NB, T and Q…

I’d like to share with you today about my alphabet of love and, in particular, about why it includes four letters that I've come to love very much: N, B, T and Q.  

Non-binary, transgender and queer.  

I'm focusing on these four letters because I have some amazing, beautiful friends and colleagues who are non-binary, trans and queer. 

And because I've been learning to center people who are at the margins, those who are more oppressed by the structures of our society and by those in power. To figure out how the last can be first…

And because it seems that some people are actively and consciously choosing to leave the letters NB, T and Q out of their alphabet, and I think it is important to speak up about it.

Of course we know some people are against trans folx because of lies and misinformation they've been told by others for political gain or religious control.

But there are also members of the LGBTQ2S+ community who say things like “LGB without the T”. The distinction they are making is between themselves as people who have a minority sexual orientation - lesbian, gay, bisexual - and other people who have a minority gender identity and/or expression - trans, non-binary, queer.

I am sad when I hear this. It’s true that from a western perspective, sexual orientation and gender identity are usually considered to be two different things. But when those who are LGB want to advocate for themselves and leave out the T - and by extension, the NB, I'm not okay with that. 

At a practical level, this wrongly suggests that the two groups never overlap - that lesbian, gay and bisexual people are always cisgender and that transgender people are never lesbian, gay or bisexual. This is not the case.

It also wrongly suggests that what impacts transgender folx will not impact lesbian, gay and bisexual people. That's not the case either and ignores the reality that what's happening politically is not really about protecting trans kids but is about control and power, and LGB may be next… 

And finally, it leaves out queer people whose cultures - or queerness, for that matter - do not have the same distinction between sex and gender that is predominant in western culture.

To me, no matter who we are and how we identify, we are in this together. We need each other. We are incomplete without one another.

“LGB without the T” is tied to the moral circles that many people function by. Kin are inside our moral circle and valued for themselves. Not-kin are outside of our circle, and at best are a means to an end. Think of drug lords who have high family values, but only for their own family - they happily sell deadly drugs to everyone else’s families. Or think of white women who fought for the right to vote in the U.S., but didn't want Black women involved as they felt it would impede their cause… Moral circles are about looking out for yourself. … “These people are like me and I support them, and those people are not like me and I'm not concerned about their well-being or their cause .…”

My alphabet includes NB, T and Q because over the years, my world and my moral circle have gotten bigger. There was a time - when I was growing up and for many years after that, in fact, where I believed even LGB were bad letters.

Like some of you, I grew up in a religious subculture where sexual and gender identity and orientation were never mentioned, except as the H word - homosexual - which at best was definitely not something one should be. The message was reinforced at school, with related slurs being common among kids, and in society in general.

It took many years to undo the things I had been taught by society, peers and religion. Fortunately, the saying “you can't teach an old dog new tricks” is an ageist lie. While I still have much to learn,  I’ve come a long way since then.

We are all in this together. I can't say “I want what's best for me - don’t care about the rest of you”. I think of quotes that have resonated with me like Fannie Lou Hamer with “Nobody's free until everybody's free." or Martin Luther King Jr writing, “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

I wonder if one definition of a life lived well is where a person's moral circle gets bigger and their arms open ever wider to all varieties of people around them …

I know my life has gotten much richer as my alphabet has expanded to include N, B, T and Q and to love people who are non-binary, transgender and queer. My moral circle has enlarged and become quite fuzzy. Hopefully I've become a better human being, as I've learned and am learning that we are all related, and how important loving one another is.…and I invite you to consider what letters are missing from your alphabet of love… perhaps NB, Q and T are already included, but some others are missing? D for the disability community? Or BIPOC for loving and standing with people who are Black, Indigenous or people of colour? There’s a world of love open to you and me… expand your alphabet and you'll see!

Rob Goetze