looking for love in all the wrong places

When it is said about someone that they are "looking for love in all the wrong places", the reference is usually to places like bars and clubs, or the arms of other people who are considered unsuitable. And implied by the phrase, is that there are "right places" to look for love. Yet I don't recall ever having heard discussions or presentations about the "right places", except perhaps in an ultra-spiritualized way.

The right places to look for love. Ironically, one both expects - and doesn't expect -  a church to be a place to find love. We expect it because we know it should be that way. We don't expect it because we know it often isn't that way.

And so, for Jonesy and others, the church might well be the wrong place to look for love. Pretty sad, I'd say.

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Check out an earlier related post.

pop psycholojesus

Just some trite sayings from everyone's favourite pop psychologist, western jesus.

On a serious note, I've been thinking about two of these phrases recently: "looking for love in all the wrong places," and "attention-seeking." Here are two examples of how they might be used:

She's looking for love in all the wrong places.

There's that attention-seeking behaviour again!

I've been wondering whether these phrases actually function as ways of dismissing someone. If someone is looking for love in all the wrong places, well then, poor guy, he just needs to learn to look in the right places. Or the attention-seeking woman needs to stop focusing on herself, and focus on others for a change.

The phrases seem to ignore the underlying need or reality: the reality that he is looking for love and having difficulty finding it; the reality that for some reason or other, she is drawing attention to herself.

How do we move beyond labeling and instead see the person behind the behaviour?

[sub]

[de-baptize me]

+++++

"Please de-baptize me," she said.
The priest's face crumpled.
"My parents tell me you did it," she said.
"But I was not consulted. So
Now, undo it."
The priest's eyes asked why.
"If it were just about belonging to
This religion and being forgiven,
Then I would stay. If it were just
About believing
This list of doctrines and upholding
This list of rituals,
I'd be OK. But
Your sermon Sunday made
It clear it's
About more. More
Than I bargained for. So, please,
De-baptize me."
The priest looked down, said
Nothing. She continued:
"You said baptism sends
Me into the
World to
Love enemies. I don't. Nor
Do I plan to. You said it means
Being willing to stand
Against the flow. I like the flow.
You described it like rethinking
Everything, like joining a
Movement. But
I'm not rethinking or moving anywhere.
So un-baptize me. Please."
The priest began to weep. Soon
Great sobs rose from his deepest heart.
He took off his glasses, blew his nose, took
Three tissues to dry his eyes.
"These are tears of joy," he said.
"I think you
Are the first person who ever
Truly listened or understood."
"So," she said,
"Will you? Please?"


- Brian McLaren

Reprinted with permission. From Brian McLaren's blog.

piranha

A meeting I attended recently started with this delightful prayer:

The water I live in is full of piranha

and it doesn't do to have a bleeding heart in this locality.

Please God get me out of this water

or give me a shell or teeth . . .

Just don't leave me here with nothing but the conviction

that piranha are all God's children too.

Evangeline Paterson

from Life's Little Prayer Book 

compiled by Gary Lahoda

Well, it certainly got me thinking many thoughts. For starters, are piranhas all God's children too? I'm referring not to actual fish but to people who attack others. So to be practical, what about piranhas like Darren Wilson? Is he one of God's children? How do I love him?

Secondly, perhaps I'm a piranha too, but don't know it 'cuz, having eyes on the side of my head and no mirrors in the sea, I don't see that I also have big teeth like the piranhas around me. Seriously, though, we know how easy it is to consider our own sins, faults and shortcomings as "not that bad" compared to those of others. And how easy it is to think I'm okay (am righteous) and others are not okay (are sinful), instead of seeing our common humanity. Much easier to split the world into us and them.

Hmm. And should I be listing Darren Wilson as a piranha? Or is he just a cog in the systemic racism principality? Not asking this to make any excuses for his actions, but wanting to affirm that there is a bigger picture here than one person's racism.

What do you think?
I'm hoping that at least one of my 100,000 followers (I wish!) is brave enough to comment....

does not apply to future situations

an apology from the Fairfax County Sheriff's Department

In memory of Natasha McKenna, age 37, who died on February 8, 2015 after a stun gun was used on her at the Fairfax County Jail on February 2, 2015, while she was fully restrained.

---

i just want to say

Fully restrained
handcuffs behind her back, leg shackles, mask
bad girl wouldn't bend her knees for the chair
I tasered her four times with my buddies watching

she had a heart attack
was resuscitated
and died
six days later

Forgive me
even for a black person
a life of mental illness
is just not worth living

poem by rob g

---

Read the story here.

This is a false apology poem.

[jesus leper]

In the Middle Ages, 

Christians widely believed that 

Jesus was a leper.

From Jesus: Visual Edition by Philip Yancey.

We've come a long way, baby! Being sophisticated and civilized, today we know that Jesus was really the first Adam -- oops, I meant to say, the first American Sniper.

obsessed with nobodies

chris the messiah

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:43 - 48 (NIV)

---

This cartoon was inspired by an article "Why Are So Many Christians Worshipping The American Sniper?" by Benjamin L. Corey. Read it here. HT to Jim Robertson for sharing it on FB.


Update: It seems my cartoon has inspired a HuffPo article. Not really, but wouldn't it be nice?
Read Clint Eastwood's Sniper, and the American Messiah.

And read Chris Hedge's article, "American Sniper": Killing Ragheads for Jesus to understand more of the connection between religion and hostility.

[slurs]

Slurs are not oppressive because they are offensive, they are oppressive because slurs by nature of being slurs draw upon certain power dynamics to remind their target of his/her/their vulnerability in a certain relation to power and as an extension of that, to threaten violence and exploitation of that vulnerability.

(from cisyphus / tumblr)

[you don't say... campaign by duke university]

"You Don’t Say? is a campaign founded by senior Daniel Kort and juniors Anuj Chhabra, Christie Lawrence and Jay Sullivan that aims to raise student awareness about the offensive nature of phrases and slurs used in everyday conversation through photographs shared using an online campaign." (source)

The latest part of this campaign features 41 student-athletes, who were each asked to choose a phrase that mattered to them.

What is it that #YouDontSay? pic.twitter.com/hykbOrfc2r
— You Don't Say (@youdontsayduke) January 15, 2015

Check out a lot more photos.
Additional photos of Cornell University students doing a series of similar ads.

Read more background info.

Follow on twitter.

ideological colonization

His Holiness Pope Francis, speaking in the Philippines last week (January 2015), expressed concerns about ideological colonization. The Associated Press reports:

Speaking about the regulation of family size, the pope said:

African bishops, in particular, have long complained about how progressive, Western ideas about birth control and gay rights are increasingly being imposed on the developing world by groups, institutions or individual nations, often as a condition for development aid.

"Every people deserves to conserve its identity without being ideologically colonized," Francis said.

"... When imposed conditions come from imperial colonizers, they search to make people lose their own identity and make a sameness," he said. "This is ideological colonization."

GLAAD also reports:

Pope Francis came out with his strongest comments against marriage equality, calling it, "ideological colonization that we have to be careful about that is trying to destroy the family."

Ironically, the Roman Catholic Church and other denominations has been engaging in ideological colonization for years, ever since they first sent missionaries out.

Oops. Of course, we don't call it ideological colonization, but evangelism, spreading the gospel, reaching the lost. Which reminds me of how easy it is to consider something good when I do it, but bad when others do it.

Take, for example, how the Unites States provides funding, training and weapons to "freedom fighters" in some countries, while at the same time fighting against terrorism in other parts of the world. The difference between freedom fighters and terrorists? Some would say it's only a few letters and a matter of perspective.

"Every people deserves to conserve its identity without being ideologically colonized"

Think about this statement. If we take Pope Francis' words seriously and put aside contradictory actions, what might this mean in our relationships with others, both individually and corporately? How can we interact with others in ways that are full of humility and mutuality?

just can't do it...

Can you imagine Jesus throwing spears at soldiers of the occupying Roman army? Or even at the pictures of faces of soldiers, for practice?

I can't. Would Jesus be acclaimed as the leader of the Jewish resistance movement? Certainly some of his people were hoping he'd be that kind of Messiah, but that's not who he is nor what he came to do.

Instead, he willingly gave up his life to show us that violence is not the way to go.

---

And in the world late last week, outrage on Twitter at news of a South Florida police department using mugshots of black people for target practice. How's that for continued dehumanization of black people?

Police chief defends use of photos of real people for target practice. @NBC6 investigation #humantargets pic.twitter.com/ORdRa0wq1U
— NBC 6 South Florida (@nbc6) January 15, 2015

Granted these men were charged with crimes. That doesn't change the fact that they are human beings, with mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, other family members and friends. They are men created by the God of the universe, and no matter what, some glimpse of his image remains. Jesus loves them and gave his life for them.

---

And in very related news, the BBC reports that Sgt. Deant, a soldier in the National Guard was shocked when she saw her own brother's face as one of the target images at the North Miami Beach Police firing range which she was using after a training session.

The photo of her brother Woody Deant had been taken after his arrest as a teenager for drag racing. It had been shot several times.

Mr Deant said he was "speechless" when he heard the news.

"Now I'm being used as a target? I'm not even living that life according to how they portrayed me as. I'm a father. I'm a husband. I'm a career man. I work nine to five."

The first shall be last and the last shall be first.

---

And for a small glimmer of solidarity from WP:

In response to FL police using #humantargets - Clergy in uniform have now sent photos saying #usemeinstead @BrettBetkoski @nbc6 @deray
— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) January 17, 2015

Reminds me slightly of the Catholic priest Maximilian Kolbe who at Auschwitz took the place of a man who was going to be killed by starvation.

[thoughts on ableist language and why it matters (resource)]

You might never have even thought that sentences like "He was blind to the realities of his flaws"  or "Legislative changes crippled the economy" could be offensive to some people, but they are.

Ableist language is the use of words like lame, blind, crippling, retarded, and more to describe people or situations that have nothing to do with ability. I recently came across a well-written article on ableist language, written by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg.

She addresses ten questions about why ableist language matters. Here is one of the questions she addresses:

5. I would never use the N-word because people of color are part of an oppressed group. But disabled people aren't really oppressed. Are they?

Yes, disabled people are members of an oppressed group, and disability rights are a civil rights issue. Disabled people are assaulted at higher rates, live in poverty at higher rates, and are unemployed at higher rates than nondisabled people.

We face widespread exclusion, discrimination, and human rights violations. For an example of what some of the issues are, please take some time over at the Disability Social History Project.

From 10 Questions About Why Ableist Language matters, Answered (source)

What I really appreciate about the article is Cohen-Rottenberg's grasp of the deeper issues behind these questions, including historical contexts and narratives, and the succinct and clear way she responds to them. Check out the rest of the article to learn more!