PHOOey

PIE 

You may have read my previous post about PIE: about being public, intentional and explicit -- three key components to being a faith community that affirms LGBTQ2S+ people. (if you haven't read it, do so first: https://exclusionandembrace.blogspot.com/2017/01/pie-public-intentional-explicit.html)

I'd like to first suggest that we add an "S" to PIE to make PIES (cuz, you know, lots of pies are better than just one pie): S for Self-Examining >

PIES

A community that examines itself discovers those areas in which more change is needed, those aspects in which they could improve how they love and embrace others.

Here's a brief example of a church being self-examining: 

     A church is located in an older building. There is one main women's and one main men's washroom, both outdated and badly designed. The church has begun holding some learning sessions where they asked some of their queer members to share, and also invited speakers from the queer community to come in. After one of these sessions, where they heard that some transgender people feel uncomfortable in public washrooms, some of the members involved in managing the facility got together. "What can we do to make this better?" they asked. They looked around and realized that there was a storage room located behind the washrooms, which could be converted into a single user washroom. Conveniently, the plumbing connections were nearby. "What if we use the whole space, and make it an accessible washroom while we are it?" someone added. The "accessible" stalls in the existing washrooms were unfortunately based on outdated standards for what is considered accessible and in reality, are very awkward.  So they proceeded with their plans and, once the washroom was complete, made sure to post on the church website that the building now has a "accessible, inclusive gender-neutral washroom".

     Now, such a washroom serves a wide range of people: transgender folx who feel unsafe in gendered washrooms, people in wheelchairs, a parent with a child, a person accompanied by an attendant or caregiver. And it happened because they were learning, thinking and examining their church community and facility.

Here's an example of a church not being self-examining, from the disability realm in this case:

      After the church service, everyone walks through a short corridor into the church hall to enjoy coffee and fellowship. Except for a parishioner or visitor in a wheelchair. You see, there are two steps on the journey from the main sanctuary to the other part of the building which includes the church hall, washrooms, offices, Sunday school rooms, etc. A person in a wheelchair has to go back out the front door and around the outside of the building to get to the other door where they can get in without encountering insurmountable steps, in order to participate in the after-church gathering or simply to use the washroom. Not very hospitable, and definitely even more of a problem in wintery or rainy weather.

     These two steps have been there for decades. They are taken for granted, a never-thought-about part of the surroundings. I've never heard anyone talk about finding ways to remove that barrier... and so the steps could be there for another few decades. That's a practical example of NOT examining oneself as a community.

PHOOey

I'd also like to suggest an antonym for PIES - a word for the many places that are the opposite of Public, Intentional, Explicit and Self-examining: PHOOey

It could be more elegant, but it's what I have at the moment.

• Private - instead of Public symbols and mentions, nothing is said. People in the know, know. Everybody else, knows nothing.
• Haphazard - instead of being Intentional about examining the life of the parish, to see what actions need to be taken, such things are haphazard. A meeting here, a speaker another time, but no overall, intentional long-term plan.
• Obscure - instead of Explicitly stating that "that the LGBTQ+ community is a part of and embraced in all facets of church life," there are no statements or indicators to this effect. If you ask, they will tell you, but otherwise you might never know.
• Oblivious to others' realities - instead of Self-examining, life goes on merrily as it always has done, which means that structural racism and oppression also continue on merrily and unnoticed.
• ey - just to end off the word nicely!

Here's are an example of a church that is perfectly fine with LGBTQ+ people attending and having full involvement in the life of the parish, but which is still PHOOey:

     I've told the story before about attending one church where, at a board meeting, I mentioned that we were not on the regional office's list of churches that were LGBTQ-friendly. The board members at the table almost went into shock - "What do you mean? Of course we are LGBTQ-friendly!" Reality is, after attending the church for two years and being on the board, I had not seen any signs or even hints that this was the case. To be clear, there were no signs that they were a homophobic church either -- rather, it was just like sexuality and gender did not exist. Their beliefs about this were private, there was nothing intentionally being done, and their perspective was obscure rather than explicit. They spent no time looking at their parish to see how they could move forwards in better loving their neighbour.

There was only one person whom I knew was specifically queer-positive -- an older woman who spoke positively about her lesbian daughter and her partner. Other than that - nothing. Not even a member with a rainbow pin...

Where is your church at? What can you do to encourage real movement forward?