[Alok on "the grammar of gender"]

I follow Alok Vaid-Menon on Instagram. They are an author, speaker, poet, comedian...and I've been learning so much from them.

Here they are speaking about the grammar of gender:

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Visit Alok's Instagram page for more great content.

strategically inclusive leadership #1: names that matter, and who is at the margins

[core topic]

This is part of an ongoing series 
on strategically inclusive leadership. 
Read the introduction here.

This idea comes partly from reading the article  “Names That Matter: Exploring the Tensions of Campus LGBTQ Centers and Trans* Inclusion” by Marine & Nicolazzo. The authors studied campus LGBTQ centers to see how much focus they put on each of the letters in their name (L, G, B, T, and Q). In particular, they were interested in knowing if the focus was mostly on lesbian and gay students, and how much transgender people were included and supported. They surveyed the programs, events and services offered to find out.

You can read the article to find out what their findings were, if you want, but the real point is that there are minorities within any minority, and these minorities that can be minoritized, neglected, forgotten or oppressed even by the minority demographic that they are part of. For example, think of the wide range of disabilities that people can have, and how some of these are talked about a lot, some of them we hear about sometimes, and others are never heard about and in fact you might not even know they exist. The key point is not so much whether they are heard about or whether you know about them, but whether the lesser-known ones receive equitable treatment and support and resources. Are they included or not?

Within this strategy / concept, if you are leading a community organization, or an employee resource group, or other groups of minoritized and racialized people, consider: of the people who are part of your demographic or community, who is left out, neglected, excluded?

The second thing to do is to take action. The following quote from Yvette Flunder, a Black lesbian Bishop (from her book Where the Edge Gathers) is enlightening for this part:

"An authentic ethic of inclusion must reach from the center 

to the farthest margin and work its way back."

If you wish to be inclusive, those who are at the center need to reach out to those at the farthest margins and work to bring them to the center. 

strategic inclusion: within my demographic, who is at the margins? Who is the minority within the minority? How can those at the center include, serve, embrace those at the margins?

introduction to "strategically inclusive leadership"

Introducing "strategically inclusive leadership", a term which, if you search for it with quotation marks, brings up about three Google results as of December 2022. Quite unusual considering that most Google searches bring thousands of results.

This has come about as a result of a lot of thinking and learning, and then subsequently being in a leadership position where I've realized that I could either spend my time doing "the usual things" which were done the year before (organize the usual type of meetings, provide input to the newsletter, etc.) or I could be strategic about what the group needed and what would truly make a difference. At some point in the past four months, the ideas that I was trying out and putting in place coalesced into a bigger idea that I'm calling "strategically inclusive leadership."

Here is my working definition of strategically inclusive leadership:

You’ll note that the focus of this definition of strategically inclusive leadership is those who “provide leadership for the flourishing of racialized and minoritized peoples.” This is not about a manager being inclusive of all the members of their work team, nor is this about being a good ally. I imagine that some of the topics we will cover will also be applicable to those who provide leadership in general, and that’s fine, but it’s not the primary focus. 

[love]

 To start off the year, here is an important message from Sir Ian McKellan:

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introducing yourself the "triplet" way

 

Here's a tip for introducing yourself - including pronouns - to someone else. 

Use a triplet, or triad, as follows:

1. Name
2. Pronouns
3. Job title, or position on team, etc.

Example: 

Hi, I'm Marcelino, my pronouns are he and they, I'm a stockbroker.

Why the triplet? Two reasons:

1. First, if sharing your pronouns is new(er) to you, putting your pronouns in between two items that you are used to sharing might make it easier.
2. Second, if the other person wants to share, you've modelled a way of sharing. But if they do not wish to share their pronouns, they can still use the outer two parts: name and job title/position. 

Compare the interaction as Jacquelyn and Hassan meet, with the second row using the triplet:

Possibly awkward	Hi, I'm Jacquelyn, my pronouns are she/her.	Oh, hi, I'm Hassan...
Not awkward	Hi, I'm Jacquelyn, my pronouns are she/her, I'm an architect.	Oh, hi, I'm Hassan, I'm the service manager.

Give it a try:

Say:  Hi, my name is __________, my pronouns are __________, I'm a __________. 

Pretty easy, huh!

by Rob Goetze

To learn more, watch my 36 minute video on "A Practical Guide to the New World of Pronouns" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdtVLgU6OxA&t=6s

how to invite and make space for the sharing of personal pronouns

Individually

There are various steps individuals who are comfortable with sharing their pronouns can do to invite and make space for others to also share their pronouns if they wish. Here are a few examples:

1. Share your pronouns first. This lets others know that sharing of pronouns is okay, and models one way of sharing them.


2. When asking people to introduce themselves (at a meeting, for example), invite them to share pronouns by saying something like “Introduce yourself with your name, your role on this project, your pronouns if you like, and what you hope to accomplish in today’s meeting.”
   Note: extend this invitation equally to everyone. Do not single out the people that you think look gender-diverse.


3. Share your pronouns in your email signature and with your screen name on video conferencing services.


4. When meeting someone new in a work or formal context, use this three-part introduction: Name, Pronouns, Job Position. This models the sharing of pronouns and sets an example for how the other person could share, yet leaves it open for them to just share Name and Job Position. Note that having three parts to your own introduction, means that someone who prefers not to share their pronouns still has two items to share, which is less awkward than only saying their name.


5. If attending an event where name tags are provided, adding your pronouns after your name is an easy way to normalize the sharing of pronouns.

why sharing personal pronouns must be optional

 

Sharing of pronouns is increasing as diversity and inclusion awareness and initiatives grow. It is far more common to see pronouns listed in email signatures or beside attendee names during a video conference. 

More organizations are promoting the use and sharing of pronouns. Some organizations, however, are now requiring employees to share their pronouns. This is problematic and not recommended for a number of reasons:

1. Someone who is not sure about their pronouns can be pushed into making a premature choice simply to comply with the requirement to list their pronouns, and then may face additional scrutiny if they later change their pronouns upon further consideration.


2. Some transgender or non-binary folx might be quite sure about their pronouns but might not be ready to share them. Perhaps they are still getting used to their identity themselves, perhaps it’s not safe to be out at work, perhaps they have other reasons. If they are required to list their pronouns when they do not want to, there are really only two options: lie about their pronouns by listing ones that are not true to them and possibly feeling like they have negated their transition, or tell the truth and out themselves before they are ready to. Neither option is ideal.


3. Someone might not want to share their pronouns as past experience has taught them that it’s not safe to do so.


4. Some people might not be familiar with sharing pronouns, and might not know what to do or be concerned about not doing it wrong, especially if put on the spot in person or at a meeting.


5. Someone might be comfortable sharing their pronouns and identity in some contexts and not in others. For example, someone might be fine sharing with close friends and with colleagues in their work group, but prefer not to do so with acquaintances and strangers. Depending how much their role needs to interact with others outside of the work group, being obliged to share their pronouns might be uncomfortable and awkward for them. For example, a non-binary employee might have asked their friends to use “they/them” to refer to them, but when interacting with the public at work, the employee uses “she/her” as it matches what customers expect and is easier.


6. Some cisgender people do not like pronouns or see the point of them, or do not like trans folx. Requiring these persons to use pronouns can result in a backlash, one that will often be directed back at trans people.

While pronouns sharing should never be required, it should most definitely be allowed and facilitated, especially as it can make a world of difference to people who are trans or gender non conforming, along with being helpful when connecting with people whose names are gender neutral or unfamiliar. 

by Rob Goetze

To learn more, watch my 36 minute video on "A Practical Guide to the New World of Pronouns" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdtVLgU6OxA&t=6s

[resource: queers the word: a 40-day devotional for lgbtq+ christians]

 

"Have you ever wanted a daily devotional but couldn’t find one that affirmed your sexuality/gender identity? or took social justice seriously? Do you want something you can do in five minutes in the morning or can use for an extended time of study? Are you looking for a devotional that takes Scripture seriously, but also affirms the goodness of queer and trans people?

In this 40-day devotional you’ll find entries from a queer and trans perspective written to support you in strengthening your faith and affirming your identity." (from website)

For more information and purchasing (paperback, kindle and digital pdf), see 
https://www.queertheology.com/devotional/

[God must be a black trans woman...]

Dr. Christena Cleveland's book, God Is a Black Woman, is definitely worth a read or three.

Here's a quote from an interview done with Dr. Cleveland on the Queer Theology podcast:

"And so when the Black Madonna says, I'm completely reordering the pecking order per se, it means putting black trans women at top - on the top.

So when I say if God's a black woman, then she must be a black trans woman. Yeah, I was surprised. I, I shouldn't have been because my trans friends have talked to me about TERFs [trans-exclusionary radical feminists], but I was surprised by how many people - TERFs - were really upset that I included black trans women in my discussion of God as a black woman. And it did make me more, more convinced because that, that behavior suggests that TERFs don't think that trans black women are sacred."

From https://www.queertheology.com/podcast/459/

Find out more about this book and Christena Cleveland:

http://www.christenacleveland.com

https://www.instagram.com/christenacleveland/

benevolent king edward

 

According to the Google dictionary, 

benevolent means well meaning and kindly and has the following roots:

Both parts are from Latin.

"bene" meaning well; "velle" meaning to wish. 

bene volent = well wishing

benevolent.

Something said about royalty, as in "He was a benevolent ruler."

As king, he acted in ways which showed he wished well upon his subjects.

---

But who needs Latin, when you can speak French.

The word "bene" is quite similar to the French "bien", which in English is "good"

The French word "volent" means to steal.

So benevolent could also mean "good thief"

Something also said about royalty, as in, "He was a good thief."

As in, the king was good at stealing. So good, that no one even thought of him as a thief. 

Not even when he stole millions of acres of land from Indigenous peoples around the world. Or when he stole the lives of millions of people by enslaving them...

Just something to think about ...

[more about the fauntleroy residence]

 

This post has nothing to do with the main theme of this blog, which is an exploration of exclusion and embrace. This is about another love of mine - architecture.

I recently came across a well-designed house by Heliotrope Architects, featured in several magazines. 

They all have great pictures similar to this one. One of the articles also includes floor plans of the main floor and lower level, but not of the upper floor. So I created a possible version of the second floor, based on pictures and description from the articles along with the footprint and layout of the lower floors. Am sharing it here for anyone else who appreciates this house and is wondering what the upper floor might be like.

[anglican diocese of edmonton > finding our way]

 The Anglican Diocese of Edmonton has just released a document "Finding Our Way", which summarizes what our new (as of Sept 2021) Bishop has heard and how he wants to move forward. 

The document outlines 5 principles and 12 specific goals, some of which are specifically related to relations and reparations with Indigenous peoples, affirmation and full public support of LGBTQ2S+ siblings, and increased accessibility not just for buildings but also programs, vocabulary and ways of working.

Check out this important document, especially if you are part of the Anglican Church of Canada:

Intro: https://edmonton.anglican.ca/pages/finding-our-way

Actual Finding Our Way (PDF)

https://edmonton.anglican.ca/df_media/W1siZiIsIjIwMjIvMDcvMDYvMTIvMjYvNDQvY2E1Mzc1ZGYtNTliMC00NGRhLWFmMDAtODU5MjA0ZGU5ZTM2L0ZpbmRpbmcgT3VyIFdheSBGSU5BTC5wZGYiXV0/Finding%20Our%20Way%20FINAL.pdf?sha=075b06476959332f

links to 'uncertain and declared spaces' resources

Read the full article on uncertain spaces and declared spaces, with additional examples and stories.

Watch the introductory video on uncertain spaces and declared spaces.

Read my article on exploring uncertainty and embrace at your church.

Read my article on why I no longer believe in lgbtq+ friendly churches.

Check out all "uncertain spaces and declared spaces" posts on this blog. 

performative allyship... at church

Performative allyship is when your place of worship has an LGBTQ sticker at the door and a Pride flag on their website but it …

doesn't talk about sexuality and gender

doesn't discuss the use of gendered language

doesn't have all gender washrooms

doesn't invite openly LGBTQ speakers to speak

doesn't mention that they perform same-sex weddings

doesn't have clear LGBTQ anti-discrimination policies

And those are just six practical things that are often missed by performative allies...

Now read about the deeper things that many churches are also missing when it comes to actually being inclusive and embracing of queer folx, in my article:

why I no longer believe in lgbtq+ friendly churches

the queen and the homeless man

You may have read this excerpt on social media of a story about the Queen and someone at the Platinum Jubilee parade.

“Well,” said the Queen to the homeless man at the edge of the parade, “Where do you go from here?”

“I am not sure, your majesty,” the man answered with a tear. “You see I lost my job and my children have all grown up and gone on their separate ways.”

The man continued, “I am now homeless as I have nowhere else to stay.”

“Well, my friend,” the Queen replied to him, “This will never do at all!”

“I too am all alone. You can move into my palace. I’m sure we will have a ball.”

The man looked up and asked, “Will there be something to eat, dear Queen?”

"Of course," she replied, “The biggest spread of sandwiches you’ve ever seen.”

“And cups of tea and crockery that you can drop and I will never never mind.”

The man replied “Your majesty, I accept your offer. You are very, very kind.”

Hmm, you say. Really? The Queen invited a homeless man to come live in her palace?